FINDING ALMIGHTY

I am wandering on the roads aimlessly. I never felt my self this much relaxed in my whole life. Now I don’t have to bother about my job, I don’t have to bother about my past, I don’t have to bother about my future, I don’t have to bother about this world…. This bloody chaotic world. Because I am dead…I committed suicide fifteen minutes ago… I am now a spirit…

I don’t want to discuss the reasons why I committed suicide. I didn’t even try to look at my dead body … I just walked out from the spot while people were gathering around my body…Now, what will happen..? Will guards of Yama come to me… or will some light fall on me and lift me up into heaven like in some Hollywood movies..? I waited there sometime but nothing happened.. I was bored and started wandering on the roads….

It is frustrating…what am I supposed to do? Wander in the streets like some stray dog..? Why don’t any one come to me and take me to heaven or hell or whatever it is…

To pass time, I went into a shopping mall. I started observing the people around me… I just started enjoying my self when I observed a man looking in my direction as if he is observing me… It is impossible though because I learned that I couldn’t be seen. But when he started walking in my direction, I doubted it…he came to me and spoke with a smile” hi, buddy!”
I turned around to see if anybody is beside me…
“I am talking to you…buddy” he said.
I am surprised...” you can see me?”
“Of course...”
“Who are you?”
“Good question…! My name is Sumathi and I am a servant of god…”
I stared at him. He wore a casual pant, tucked in shirt, wore a tie, and wore formal leather shoes. And he is saying that he was servant of god…
“Don’t fall for my dress buddy...” he said”this is our uniform…”
“You people have dress code..?” I asked.
He nodded, obviously enjoying my confusion.
“Ok. I believe you” I finally said” but where the hell are you for these fifteen minutes…? You are supposed to come as soon as I die…”

“A very bad question buddy..” he said calmly” you committed suicide…and that mean you ended your life well before your supposed time and we are not aware of that beforehand. I rushed to reach you as soon as possible. But when I reached the spot you were not there… I started searching you and found you doing some sort of window shopping and having fun…and I was questioned by you “ where are you until now?” now isn’t it a bit unfair…?

I am baffled by his words…”doesn’t god know when a person dies…? I mean I thought if a person committed suicide it is god’s wish and he knows it …”
He put his hand around my shoulder and started walking….
“There are many conceptions buddy… and many misconceptions. If you are committing suicide you are distorting god’s preset schedule…and it’s a sin…
“I … I don’t know…”
“Don’t bother about it buddy…! You can’t do anything about it anyway…”
“I guess so…” I said weakly…
He stared into my eyes” do you trust god…?”
“I love him…” I said firmly…
“Well… that answers a lot of questions…” he said puzzlingly…” Ok. Let’s start our journey…”
“ Hey… wait a minute” I said” forgive my curiosity but am I going to heaven or hell?”
“Neither…” he said.
“What does that mean…?”
He smiled sympathetically at me and I sensed that the answer is not going to be a pleasant one for me….


2

”You are not going anywhere buddy…”he said.
“W…What…?”
“Instead you’re going to meet god…!”
“God…?”
“Yup… it seems he is pleased with you …or may be he wants to tell you something…not every soul gets this kind of opportunity…buddy”
I cant believe my ears…”I am going to meet the god…? Wow”
“Ok! Let’s go…” I said eagerly.
“I am not going anywhere buddy…its you who are meeting the god…”
“Oh…why?”
“His instructions are clear buddy…I am not supposed to come…”
“It’s Ok…”I said “How to reach god?”
He smiled cheerfully…”That is your problem ….”
He went to a bike and started it…I am just recovering from the shock.
“Hey… wait…!” I said running to him.
“What do you mean? How the hell I know where god is…and how to reach him?”
Sumathi said” His orders are clear buddy…he asked me to explain the situation …that’s all. I am supposed to tell you the information…not to give you directions…”
“But…but god lives in heavens…how do I reach the heavens…?” the world around me is spinning.
“Don’t look at the heavens buddy…look around you …. Look in this world…
Don’t search with your eyes…search with your heart…I am sure you will find him” he wore a helmet and buzzed the horn.
“C’mon Sumathi! Philosophers and saints are searching for god for centuries…it’s the toughest question mankind is facing….” I argued.
He smiled ominously…”On the contrary…it is the easiest question mankind is facing…and the answer lies in your heart.”
I am staring at him. My mind is blank now…
“Go buddy…! Find the almighty. After all you have a rendezvous with him…best of luck.”
He winked at me, started his bike and disappeared into thin air.



3

This is not fair….THIS IS NOT FAIR….
I was frustrated with my life…committed suicide and now, my afterlife is even more frustrating…! Here I am …standing alone and have to find the god to talk to him…damn it…! Its sounding like a treasure hunt…!the worst part is that there are no clues to begin with…!
I decided to go to the famous temple in the next street…

*****************
“This god is very powerful…no matter what you wish, he will grant it…” one devotee standing in line is saying to another one.
“Of course! I promised to donate Rs1116/-to god if my son gets good EAMCET rank and my son achieved it…I am here to fulfill my promise.”
A child is asking his mother” mommy! For how long I have to stand in this queue…! I can’t stand any more…”
“Few more hours son! God is testing you your patience. If you pass his test, he will grant your wishes…”his mother is consoling him.

Well…I have this advantage at least…being a spirit; you don’t have to stand in a queue and wait. I directly went into the inner temple to see god…

I came to this temple many times. Every time when I saw the idol, I felt his holiness spread all around me…but first time in my life or better saying first time after my death I can’t feel anything. I stared at the idol blankly…the god is not here…I can feel it. I came out of the temple in despair…

I searched the whole town. I went into every temple, every church, every mosque…I am growing uneasy from time to time…there is something stirring inside me…my heart is trying to tell me something but I am not able to understand it. I came back to the first temple again and sat on the steps.
I observed a signboard saying” Take a step towards me…I will take hundred steps towards you…”
“You liar…!” I blurted out” I am searching for you like a mad dog…now where are you?”
I heard a soft laughter behind me and looked back…an old man is looking at the sky and laughing to himself.
“Hey! What’s your problem, old man?” I cried forgetting that I can’t be heard…
To my surprise, he looked at me and said “My son! Shall I ask you the same question?”
I am baffled….”Can you hear me…?”
“Of course”
“Can you see me…?”
“Shall I describe you…?”
“Well…are you another servant of god?”
He smiled pleasantly” we are all servants of god son! The difference lies in knowing the fact…!”
I thought that he should be a sage, saint or some great man…
I am filled with new hope as I sat near him and said” Can you help me?”
“No…but I can guide you…”
I didn’t understand.
“Guide me…? To where…?”
He stared at me and said “To your destiny…”







4


I felt so relieved after I told him the whole story…
“Very interesting….”he said.
“Not for me…”I said angrily…
He said calmly” you committed suicide…”
“Yes…”
“Why…?”
“I would be very happy to avoid that discussion” I said curtly.
“No son! I feel that this is the very reason why god is testing you…tell me”

I started uneasily” well… I hated this world. I hated mankind…every one is so dishonest…All I find in this world is corruption, cruelty, cunningness, nepotism…I felt so alone…god didn’t come to my rescue… I was cheated by every body. In each and every person around me all I saw was evil…evil…and in a desperate moment I just took my decision and jumped in front of a running truck…”
The old man sat there silently for a long time….then he said” well son! It seems that god has some different opinions about this world…”
“I don’t understand…” I said………
He smiled and said “let’s take a walk….”

***************

We came out of the temple. The old man pointed out a man…he was the man I saw in the temple who boasted about his son’s EAMCET rank and his promise to god. He is quarrelling with a shopkeeper.
“No…! I won’t give you a paisa…why should I? I didn’t ask you to guard my shoes…! You people are robbing our hard earned money…! You will go to hell…”

Then I observed the mother and son coming out of temple.” mommy! Can I donate something to this poor old man…he looks so hungry” the child is asking his mother.
“Shut up and follow me…we don’t have time for these things” the mother scolded the boy and took him away.
The old man said” Man is the craziest creature I ever seen…he believes in the invisible god he doesn’t know but he doesn’t believe his fellowmen…
He donates thousands of rupees to god and yet doesn’t give a damn to his hungry fellow beings… he stands in queue for long hours for god’s darshan
But he doesn’t have time for charity….”




I am trying to grasp what he is saying….he continued" I hope you understood why you couldn’t find god in this temple…they are not praying god…they are negotiating with god …you give me this; I will donate to your temple this…
It is sheer business. You can’t expect god to sit there and listen to their dumb proposals… can you?”

I nodded…" Then where is god…?”
He smiled softly….” The question is not ‘where is god…?’My son…” he said”it is ‘Who is god…?’ ”
“I ….I don’t understand…”
“You are in wrong track son…! You have to know who god is…and then you will know automatically where he is…”
I shook my head” Ok…who is god…”
He said cheerfully “with that question …my son! You reached half of the distance…”



5
“God is not a supreme government who takes petitions from people and does some favor to them and charging them for that…it is not the right approach to reach the god…”
I am becoming impatient. “Hell! Then what’s the right approach…?”
The old man spoke cogently“God is meant to be a belief… a belief we believe so ardently….
He is your friend….you confess your sorrows and share your joys with him…
He is your father…you fear him and obey him…..
He is your mother…you ask him to forgive your mistakes…
God is there to control your behavior…To lead your life in the right way…
He is there to give you a sense of security…”

We didn’t talk for the next ten minutes…I am thinking about what he just said…….
“I understand…” I finally said.
“No….you don’t” the old man smiled omniously.

***************

“Now tell me…” said the old man” in your life, did you ever feel a voice inside you advising you? Forcing you to do something or warning you against something…”

“s…some times…”
“Well…then you heard god…”
“Wwhat..?” I am baffled.
The old man explained…”son! The answer to your quest is so simple and yet so complex…god is always with you …waiting to be found…waiting to be heard… he is in you…he speaks to you…all you have to do is to believe him… to believe his presence in you…
I sat there in silence. Sumathi’s words are ringing in my ears…”it is the easiest mankind is facing….and the answer lies in your heart…”
The old man said” Son! You said you found evil in every person around you…from now on try to find god in each person…try to find god in yourself…
and listen to him….you will live your life happily…”
“I reckon it’s too late for that” I said in despair.
“No ….its not…”said the old man.” I will give you another chance…but this time don’t end your life in vain…”
I am baffled. Suddenly a flash of light appeared before me and I closed my eyes in reflex. An acute pain started in my head. The world around me is spinning.
*****************

With great effort I opened my eyes and looked around my surroundings.
A man in white coat appeared from nowhere and looked into my eyes and
Said” my god! We thought we lost you…!” and called for others.
I closed my eyes again. I am finding it very hard to even think…I feel so
lethargic…
Now I can hear voices around me. Somebody is injecting something into me…
The first coherent thought came to me is” I AM ALIVE…!”



6

Is it a dream……..or did it really happen..?
Did my subconscious mind played tricks on me?
Did I really talk with god…?
“Believe me friend…! You are almost dead. I can’t explain how you made it but now you are out of danger… ”the doctor is saying to me.
“Its all god’s grace ….thank him” said an old nurse.

I closed my eyes. I don’t care if what happened is real or not…I now realize the truth. I can feel the god in me… I will face the world with his help….
I will listen to him in critical times…this time I am not going to end my life in despair. I am going to succeed in my life….I will find my destiny… after all I found the almighty……….