THE GREAT INDIAN ARRANGED MARRIAGE

Boy sees the girl. Girl sees the boy. They talk. They like each other. They become friends. They date. They roam all around city. They like each others company so much. They want it for life time. One of them proposes. They become lovers. They go to their parents and announce proudly that they want to marry. Parents feel very happy. Eventually they marry and then they live happily together.

Seems like a fairy tale. Isn't it?? At least in India!!! Here is what happens to this same boy and girl in reality.


Boy's father sees photos of some girls. He screens and selects some based on his own criteria.
Then its his mother's turn. Depending on the family, others also get a role in this screening process. Same thing happens in girls house.Then there will be a meeting. Of course, its to discuss
dowry and other issues by parents rather than to let the boy and girl meet. NO. I should be impartial. The boy and girl talk!( hardly 5 minutes of course). And they are supposed to give their opinion whether they like each other or not! In some families they don't get that chance also.

So, then happens the engagement and eventually THE GREAT INDIAN ARRANGED MARRIAGE........ The boy and girl are supposed to live happily ever.........

When ever i think of arranged marriage i feel a knot in my stomach. How can two complete strangers marry each other?? How can they trust each other?? Isn't safe to marry someone you know? Isn't arranged marriage the biggest gamble u ever play in life where ur life is at stake??

Whenever i ask these questions i get sneers from my elders."love marriage is not our tradition" they say."we elders know whats best for u..."

Oh....really! And whats best for me?? A girl of same cast, some fortune and respectable family background. Isn't this the criteria our elders look when they set matches?. But I don't think
any of the above is going to help understand us about the girl. So what elders are looking for is not going to satisfy me. I want to know about the girl who i want to marry. I want to know how she behaves, hows she like. I want to be friends with her first.

" Beta, u can always talk to the girl in the phone after the engagement. why? u can even meet her sometimes" one of the elders offer generously.

"Thanks. And what if i don't like the girl?What if i decide that i can't imagine living with her? Will u cancel the marriage??"
"hows that possible?" with a look of horror in their face they say" the marriage is already fixed"

I hope i don't have to explain whats odd with that logic.

"son! If arranged marriages are so bad, then how come we couples are all living together?? Aren't we happy??"

hmmm.....good question. I can give a hundred replies. Try these........

Just because u screwed ur life doesn't mean i don't have to do so too..............

They are working in India because people here are just compromising with life.

The male dominating society. I bet there are many women are unhappy about their marriages but could not admit it.

The way children are raised in India. like love is a sin. "Is this what u give ur parents who raised u?? marrying a woman we doesn't approve of???" is the common question.

"Mom. Dad. thank u for raising me. But this is my life and i have basic right to decide with whom i am going to lead it."

"But what about the sacrifices we made for u?
what about ur father's health??
how can we show our faces to our relatives??
she is not our cast..!!
She trapped u..!!"

GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!!!!!!

Friends. I am not going to tell u that love is divine and something like that. But i can tell u something. Love is not a crime. You have right to choose ur life partner. Don't feel guilty.
Try to find ur soul mate. He/ she may be just around the corner waiting for u. And when u find it, don't let her/him go for any of the silly reasons like above. fight with ur parents. Convince them.

I know this takes time. The system of arranged marriages can't be eradicated from this country.
But its ur life that counts and don't spoil it for any reason.

After all, its ur choice that shapes ur life.